Biarkan Berlalu

Honestly, I feel so bad and sad. Do you know how it feels like to be ignored by someone you love? After all these years of waiting. Gone. I've find out that someone I know.. . He didn't love me back. Instead, he was with someone else. Much more mature than me. That woman! Arrrgg!! ! I often see him sms-ing and calling someone.

This is how the things happen:

Almost 10 years, I've waited for his love, only. My loyalties to wait for him to accept me in his life. How harsh I acted to reject other men who wants me in their life. Useless.. . My heart breaks into million pieces and he doesn't even care. If he love me, surely he told me to wait for him. But no! He refuse to look at me and even let me look bad in-front of his friends in our last conversation. Yes, no one knows about this. But I am sort of happy to admit, both of them (Him and that woman) I heard and saw them together. Looks sama cantik sama padan. In fact, I don't know why so sudden, I feel happy and relieved to see them together.

All these years. Why? :'( I am so sad! Yet, now I've learnt my lesson. Don't put my hope too high! I should concentrate more on my studies than to focus on him. He didn't bother much in my focus while studying but I still angry for my final exams result in semester 1. Ah! >:'(

I know so many things about him that other people didn't know. So many! I may feel hesitate few times to stop loving him. Me and him. We are different and why I love him? Because he is different than other men I have met in my life. He maybe smaller than me and his behavior are way different than me, but I accept him the way he is. Although most of the people around me thinks that we both are not match, based on our physical. I admit, rupa penting juga. Nak biar orang lain sedap mata memandang.

Ehm. Maybe I didn't look into this world far enough. The men I've met in my life are the 1/4 over the 1/4 from quarter. See how many more men I have not met yet? I tend to think that he is the last man on Earth. Urgh I often forget that marriage were made in heaven.

One day, I realized it is happening again. The younger men I fell in love with, ended up I love them like I love a little brother. I should love someone older than me. Someone who born earlier than me. Then something wake me up and tell me that I.. . I love him as if I love a little brother!

This things happened few times and maybe this is the longer times. Last time this thing happens, when I fall in love with a boy for 3 years. And someone few month and this longest period, almost 10 years. Wooow I've wasted so much time over something that is not for sure.

Sometimes I am confused. I don't care if he didn't care about me. But what matters is that he is healthy and safe. It is fine for me to just looking at him from the distance. I want him to be happy that's all.

THIS CASE IS VERY CONFUSING YOU KNOW?!

CONFUSING CONFUSING CONFUSING!

Turns out that, he is much happier without me. He didn't need me in his life. Maybe he prefer to only have me as someone he called 'friend'. I don't mind. Although most of my friends jokes with me about him, I don't know why I laughed and feel kinda happy about it. Deep inside, I don't love him anymore. LOVE FOR HIM, IS GONE!

Now, I am officially reveal that, I will not love someone younger than me. Yes, he is few month younger than me. I am July and he is August. So, no more cinta, just sayang.

Honestly, I have stopped loving him since that July 2011, as I have met someone new. My first time I lay my eyes on him, I fall in love. The way he came and talk to me. Not far from a place called 'Kayangan'.. . Last week, I've met him again. What happened then, I refuse to tell anyone now. Other than me, only my buddies and some family members know. Let it be a secret.

InsyaAllah. Walaupun kita dah ke haluan masing2, biarlah semua itu menjadi tak lain dan tak bukan, hanyalah kenangan.

Kakak sayang awak, Zawawi. Let it ends here. Right now. LIFE MUST GO ON. I will open a new page now.. .

ASSALAMUALAIKUM.